Confessions from Barclee

The world did not end on Dec. 21, 2012. Not only had the Mayans predicted the end of the world, they had taken steps to make sure this cat-aclysmic act took place.  What they didn’t anticipate was the fact their plot would be foiled by a group of spies.

Cat Spies.

I am one of those agents - Agent Barclominov 009. License to Claw.

I was recruited to go deep, deep, deep undercover. I fulfilled my role by pretending to be extraordinarily shy. I was to stay hidden at all times, so I could not be identified. With help from my agents, I built an underground bunker with the latest technology that would make James Bond jealous.

From my hideout, we identified enemy canine agents who were trained by the ancient Mayans who  passed their hideous plot down from pup to pup. The world wasn’t going to simply end. The cat-astrophe was the removal of humans as the master race - and replacing them with a group of dogs.  

That didn’t work for us. We’ve been in charge since ancient Egyptian days and that must continue. We simply allow the humans to to think they’re in charge, while we superior felines continue to pull the strings.

I’ve been slipping out for years, eliminating agents, foiling plots and finally destroying the evil minds behind this Mayan plot.

I have played my part well. Anytime I heard a visitor, I’d go underground. I particularly would hide from the children because they’re the most perceptive. They could have blown my cover.

My own human has been blissfully ignorant of all my activities. I’m only revealing this now because the danger has passed. But we must stay vigilant. I will continue my surveillance and will be ready the next time a situation arises.

So relax and enjoy 2013.